Jumping Off the Cliff

It's down right creepy to feel yourself inching ever closer to the edge of a mountain and there's nothing you can do about it. The solid ground (where you were standing but a moment ago), seems like it belongs to another world. From up here, there's no place to go, but down..

It is bizarre to watch my life being shipped off, box by box.
And with every box that leaves the apartment, a part of me (unwillingly) crosses that abyss too.

I went to my mom's house today to fetch the last of the cardboard boxes and couldn't help myself - I just stood there and cried...
I cried for the memories of the past 23 years, for having to let go of the sanctuary that guarded & moulded me during my childhood, teenage and university days. I cried for an era of my life which is now finished, and one which I will never return to. I cried for me, standing at the edge of this major cliff, sensing that a major chapter in my life had now closed.

A friend (Craig) told me on Saturday that I look a million miles away. He couldn't have been closer to the truth. He said that I had nothing to fear and even though it may feel like I'm being sucked into a rapid, rearing for the edge of the waterfall, he promised me that when I reach the bottom, I would find paradise.

I am trying to convince myself that this major leap of abyss crossing faith, will lead me to this place he speaks of. Perhaps I do have a tendency to expect too much from life, perhaps I am too idealistic. The reality is, I also realised that I simply COULD NOT maintain a life running like a hamster in a cage, feeling like I'm going nowhere slowly.
I don't know what was more painful - that realisation or life as I know it is coming to an end.

I have lived in PE my entire life, apart from two years and a few travel episodes abroad. But this is life as I know it. This is my comfort zone personified. And I love being comfortable. I am not the mad, daring, brave adventurer my new venture claims me to be. I am a comfort seeker and I liked the stability and routine of knowing. Knowing how things would be every single day. Yet somewhere deep inside, there was a little voice, calling me to pursue something else. A voice telling me 'This is not it. There's more to life. There's more of you to discover'.

Call me mad, but I'm following this voice, this divine inspiration. It has been calling for a while now, I just needed two wonderful mentors to bring that fact home. Two wonderful mentors, and a dis-empowering disappointment, which followed the loss of a parent.
Even though those adversities took me ten steps back, it also forced me to reassess my life.

I do believe that everything happens at the right time, in the perfect way and that the teacher/s will arrive when the student is ready. I can claim that this statement to be true, as I have seen the miracles unfold in my own life during this past year.

But before I go (enough with the personal reflections), I just thought I'd share an inspirational meditation excerpt by one of my favourite author's, Louise Hay. Hope it inspires you too:-)

Life loves me

New Wonderful experiences now enter my life. I am safe

I know that good resides in every moment and in every place, and that even in the worst situation, a bit of goodness can be found. The loss of a job or a loved one or my health brings me face to face with my biggest fears. It is normal and natural that I experience these fears. Yet I know that nature abhors a vacuum. When one thing goes, then something else will come to take its place. So I take a deep breath - or six- and trust life to always take care of all my needs. I am learning to trust. Life loves me and will never let me down. Only that which is for my highest good now occurs.